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Monday, July 4, 2011

Nothing Compares to Paris

There’s really no way to describe Paris and do it justice. It’s the most beautiful, enticing, wonderful place in the world, and if you are alone well it can be absolute torture.

As much as I love Paris the people are often reluctant to help someone who is struggling with the French language. Which is me, I have absoutley NO grasp on other languages, I can kinda make sense out of Italian and Spanish but French well I might as well be listening to made up language or a personal joke between two lovers.

Despite the small (massive) language barrier I had made quite a life for myself, its funny I’ve only been here for a month but at the same time it feels like I have sloted in perfectly to my new life in Paris.

I absolutely love my roommate Jai and instead of getting my own place we’ve decided that I would just stay here with her for the remainder of my trip. She’s such a sweetheart but shes honest as hell, shes basically a walking contraditction.

I know you’re all wondering what happened with Nathan, well we remain in limbo, stuck between heaven (our former relationship) and hell (also our former relationship). His speech at the airport although induced tears left little of an explaintion that I needed.

“Paris.” Nathan said looking relieved when he finally saw me.

“Nathan, I’ve got a plane to catch, I can’t do this here.” I said exasperated.

“Just give me a couple of minutes. I need to talk to you.”

“So you keep saying, but do you actually have anything to say?” I questioned.

“I do, I know how I treated you, I know I was a complete dick and you didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Ok, why then?” I countered coldly.

“Honestly I’m gonna need months of therpy to work that out, I knew when I was doing it that things weren’t right. That stuff with Becky…I was stupid and I..I should have prepared better for this.”

“I think you’re right about the months of therpy, and lucky you have three of them before I get back, I love you Nathan, but I will never allow myself to be treated that way again and I think you need to work out what happened and why it did…” I said raising a hand and placing it on his cheek.

“Ok and that’s fair enough, well I will see you in three months I suppose.” He said tears filling his eyes but nto allowing any to spill over.

“Can I ask you something? If you don’t want to answer that’s fine, its more about my own insecurities.” I asked and at Nathan’s nod, I asked, “Did you ever cheat on me? At any point in during our relationship?”

“No I never cheated on you Paris, I wouldn’t do that to anyone, especially you.” He said.

“I hope we can work it out Nathan, I think we really could be amazing.” I said pulling him in for a hug.

“I know we can be.” He whispered in my ear.

Oh and why the fake roses? Well you cant take real ones onboard and he wanted me to remember him during my whole trip and it was working, perfectly.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

D-Day

Today’s the day it happens. Today’s the day I throw my life in to turmoil for the prospect of something different. The city of romance and art, good things happen in Paris. It’s just a cab ride, 22 hour flight with a short stop off in Singapore and another cab and I’m home for the next 3 months. I really don’t know what emotion is more powerful, the excitement or the utter fear that’s pumping through my body. I wasn’t a virgin to this travelling thing, I’d done it lots before even for longer period of time but something in me was fighting this particular adventure and it was getting hard to ignore.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Georgie said giving me a massive hug.

“I’m going to miss you too.” I said getting teary.

Zoe was soon to quickly jump in for a hug and a quick pep talk in my ear.

I asked them both not to come to the airport with me, I probably wouldn’t have gotten on the plane if they insisted on coming with me, I already felt the tears brimming.

“Now I only want you to think about us when you send us our daily emails, our twice weekly skype sessions and weekly phones calls!” Zoe said.
I laughed out loud and just as quickly I began crying, “I…I don’t want to go.” I sobbed, I was close to having a full blown mental attack, Zoe and Georgie shared a look of, WTF do we do?

“I’m sorry, yes I do want to go. I’m being ridiculous. I’m beyond excited.” I said, it sounded like I was trying to convince myself of something I wasn’t sure of. Like when you know you need to wash your hair but convince yourself one more day of dry shampoo will be fine, and its totally not.

The cab ride was exhausting I was balling my eyes out, it probably didn’t that I was in the middle of major PMS. Nathan was also in the forefront of my mind, I couldn’t help but replay our relationship in my head, the happy times, the sad times, the special times, it was all getting to much.

The cab driver was watching my break down from the mirror, “are you ok miss?” He asked multiple times, I’d reply with the same bland response, “I’m fine, I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

I checked into my flight avoiding any major dramas, the girl that was checking me in did a double take at me, I guess the red swollen eyes alerted her to me. Go figure.

Just as I was about to walk through customs an officer waiting at the beginning of the line tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to follow him, thoughts raced through my head, what had I done wrong? I’d been in the fricken line minding my own business.

“Just go back out there miss theres somebody waiting for you, and don’t look so panicked you’re not in trouble.” He said customs officers with a wink and a smile.

“Um so what exactly is the problem? I have a plane to catch to Paris.” I said bewildered.

“I’m sure it wont take long, just trust me and go out there.” He said nicely but quite firmly.

I agreed and walked outside where none other then Nathan was waiting, with a bunch of fake roses.